Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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