everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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