He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
