I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
