I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
