A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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