It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
