i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
