Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
