drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
