i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
