i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize