On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
