you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
