I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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