Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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