Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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