Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
my shit smells like andre
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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