I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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