sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
