If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize