pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
