Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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