piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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