I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
