apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
