I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize