No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i came on her dog
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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