Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
