it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
