Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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