More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
