Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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