We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
