I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
