im six kinds of drunk right now
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
