i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
