There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
