I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
