he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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