please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
