I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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