it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
