I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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