I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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