I can feel you judging me through the phone.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
