Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
