Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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