I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
