I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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