Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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