i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
