if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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