You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
