I'm really into asian looking animals
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
