you guys were way drunker than both of me
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
