today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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