He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
