Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
