but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
