I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
