careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
