I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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