I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
