Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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